My pager is still soaked from last night's Dyngus Day festivities, to which I had my friend Jennifer escort me. She had never been to a DD event and at first was timid about hitting guys with her pussy willow branch. Science experiment: will several beers and a few shots of Krupnik speed a usually pleasant woman down Sadist Highway? Experimental answer: yes. I was talking to some people and caught a glimpse of Jennifer running through the crowd, screaming and brandishing her branch. I left our last stop looking like I fell into a swimming pool, hence the unusable pager. This morning, driving to a photo gig, there was evidence of a raucous Dyngus Day: Jennifer dropped a completely shredded branch, sans gray fluffies, on the floor of my car.