Wednesday, December 19, 2007

There is a time when one may look down at one's toenails and, after some light soul searching, realize - or admit - that the nails in question (and in gaze) have become weaponry.

So, minding my own business, and on a deadline, was heading towards a familiar suburban Starbucks to edit & burn.
In front of me, in the line of characterless businesses, was one of those instant nail joints that had sprung up in the Shiney Apple many years before they migrated to the Middling City. Its name. Who cares. They were open, and empty.
This short tale may be entitled Tuesday's Pedi.
So, as is custom, signing in is necessary. Probably so the evil owner somewhere else can see that the girls are not ripping them off. You write in name, circle the reason why you are there in sort of a clinical fashion. Then choose your colour.
At this particular joint you also choose your lotion - all polishes and lotions are behind some glass doors, not the usual immediate snatch from a wall display.
Also noted some faux palm trees, requisite waiting area mags & sofas, and a tiki bar in the back.
The place was screaming Welcome to Your mid-day get-away.

Yours Truly is an unrepentant laptop worker during pedicures: one of my ultra-fav nail emporiums features a hefty four-bar wi-fi signal.
I was happy to note that there was an outlet just behind my massage-o-lounger, and even a small table to rest the laptop.
The woman who did said pedicure spoke less of the U.S. lingua but no matter, we were both hard at work.
No mishaps ensued - no overzealous filing, no over-tickling of feet whilst in the smoothing process.
Zoom forward to the drying step, feet are under a UV light. For a long time.
Whilst in this phase of pedicure I've got the laptop up on a shelf and, while waiting for some files to open, look over at the holiday display of airbrush design options - tiny pine trees, snowmen, Santas, etc. And ... hmmm, what is this, leaning in ever closer. A silhouette of some tropical animal ... a couple in flagrante delicto ... on what appears to be a massage-o-lounger. I thought perhaps this had been mis-displayed, that one of the mani-pedi girls didn't realize that the tiny gettin-busiests should be in with the Bachelorette or Valentine's Day options.
So, feet drying when pedi lady comes over to check the polish.
She reaches for a maroon can of what appears to be good ol' Aqua Cement but this stuff she's spraying all over the feet of YT smells so utterly cloyingly sweet that not only am I gagging from the smell, but the fumes are making my post-standing-in-cold shriveled lungs fighting off a cold quiver.
More minutes.
More spraying of mystery canned napalm nail drying agent.
More minutes.
More touching of polish.
One more ... No, YT says, please, no more of the spray, I'm kind of sick and it's bothering my lungs.
Back to drying.
At some point, while the disc of images is burning, YT peeks around the corner to spy an older lady's feet slathered with what appeared and smelled to be Nair.
Now I touch the polish and off it swooshes in one swoosh. Another nail, same swoosh.
I point this out to pedi lady, who had come trotting over, and say I think you left oil on my nails, the polish just comes off.
She takes it all off, and repolishes.
More drying.
She comes back (not with the drying agent mushroom cloud) but to pantomime the act of driving.
You drive, she asks.
Yes, I answer, not sure why she needs to know if I drove.
She wished YT to keep the disposable slippers on and leave with my boots and socks in a plastic bag, she put them in a bag, and I explained that as I'm sick and it's cold I would like to leave wearing boots.
She looked cross, and concerned.
I left with boots on, much to her chagrin.
In all the other MC seasons a girl who has just meandered down the pedi path think nothing of shambling out the door of a nail joint in disposable flip-flops, careful to not scrape up any asphalt in the parking lot or street.
So, in summation.
YT had not the good sense to wear winter coat during outdoor shooting on Monday.
But fercrissakes I was not in hell wandering about in foamy sandals on Tuesday after Tuesday's Pedicure.
The End.

Shambling, shiney Love.