Debate About Debates: A Short Play by Nancy J. Parisi

Setting: Campieri's/888 Main Street, Middling City, USA. 2008.
An MC-esque congenial barroom setting with people gathered for spectator sport - hockey, to be followed by the ultimate presidential candidate debate.
There are, on the bartop, some platters of wings, pizza, some drinks.
DanC, proprietor, is in & out of the kitchen, commenting all the while about the proceedings.
He has presented the creator of this short play a bottle of birthday wine.
He is thoughtful, and tattooed.
An indiscreet subtext of this play is that during cajoling AJ, barkeep, to put the debate on pronto as the hockey clock ticks down, Yours Truly is also cajoling DanC to participate in the Shiney Happy Mag's Eligible feature that YT is working on.
He says yes, he says no, he says maybe.
YT tells him that he is indeed participating and that she will interview him, and then photograph him. Details of such are hashed out. Somewhat.

Hockey Fans:
YAYYYYY.

Debate Fans: (YT, Liz, LittleLaura, MKO)
How many SECONDS left in this game. OH NO, another penalty.
(finally)
10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 ~ AJ put on the debate.

AJ:
There's only ONE Sabres game and there are so many debates - they're like relationships, there's nothing left to say.

YT:
Nonsense, there are always additional issues to be discussed.

(Sabres fans are still cavorting, much to the chagrin of the debate watchers.)

MKO:
Omigosh, he just mentioned Joe Plumber again.

YT:
(Looking at iPhone) I just got a text from Deb, she says she's going to be Joe Plumber for Halloween. I think I'll be Joe Sixpack, even though I don't drink beer.

Liz:
I'll be Joe Blow.

(Discussion ensues about how best to accomplish Halloween McCain Conceptual Goals.)

(DanC puts down a plate of his bbq wings in front of Jeffrey, who has just arrived.
DanC says this is his food but it seems it was made for Jeffrey, who offers YT a wing.
In the spirit of camaraderie and such, YT eats one wing.)

Jeffrey:
Dan, Nancy needs napkins.

YT:
Why am I ALWAYS the sloppiest eater in the room.

Debate is winding down and Liz and YT begin to attempt to quiet the remaining Sabres fans, who have the wild-eyed looked of victorious fans who've been imbibing since 6:45 p.m. - it is approximately 10:20 p.m.

Liz: (to very boozed-up lady sitting under television)
We're TRYING to HEAR this.

BUL:
WHO ARE YOU ALL VOTING FOR.

YT: (while gazing intently at handsome, more presidential face of Obama)
We were quiet during the Sabres game for you.
(which, when you recall the decibel levels of the fans is rather ridiculous but it gets the reaction intended ... BUL stops mid-word and turns to her fellow fans.)

Obama is last to speak (McCain won the coin toss) and ends on a high note, a soaring speech as Liz, YT, and MKO hold hands (LL left mid-debate to the boos and hisses of YT).

Liz/YT/MKO: (upon Obama's conclusion)
HOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

YT:
I just got a text from Deb, she says HHHHHHHHOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY, too.

Half the bar at 888 clinks glasses.
Half the bar has already done their clinking.

Everyone is happy.
Debate fans leave bar, and at door turn to AJ to query.

Liz/YT/MKO:
NEWELL IS RUNNING FOR MAYOR IN '09?

YT:
The Middling City NEEDS a mayor unafraid of wearing a headband.

Curtain.